Meanwhile, On The Other Side Of South Park
by Majuscule Milquetoast
Summary: Our four favourite boys are having a life or death battle with Satan himself. But, you don't want to hear about that, do you? On the other side of South Park, four kids, seldom seen onscreen, are having much better adventures than Marsh and Co. Totally.


Stood in the middle of the mountains, lies a little backwards white bread redneck town; seemingly cut off from the rest of civilization. A group of four iconic little boys are currently having a life or death battle with the Prince of Darkness himself, Satan. The fate of the entire planet lies in their badly animated hands. But no, no, you don't wanna hear about that whole 'Good Vs. Evil' dramatic battle thing, trust me.

On the other side of South Park, another set of children live, seldom seen onscreen. But I assure you, they are having just as equally epic adventures as Marsh and Co.

"Dude, Tom's Rhinoplasty is on fire." Token says absentmindedly, as he gazes out the window.

"That doesn't matter, man; Craig's _owning _Tweek on Street Fighter!" Clyde motions excitedly to the TV screen; they're too engrossed in the video game before them to bother with trivial things like the town burning down. It has happened before. It seems it's rebuilt quickly enough, though.

Craig stares at the screen with a look of pure concentration, his black eyebrows pointing upwards in a 'V' shape. He clicks out complex combos with his little circular thumbs at a near impossible speed.

Tweek however, is instead pressing the buttons at random, with no clue how to actually play the game. A frantic look overtakes his face and he starts twitching even worse than usual. With a final tic of the eye, he declares that the game is, "Too much pressure!" and flings the controller at the wall. He lets out a loud screech and tugs frantically at his haywire blonde hair, curling up in a ball on the floor.

Craig delivers a final roundhouse kick to Tweek's now dormant PC and the game confirms that he has won, Craig's character looking just as cocky as the real him. He flashes an upside triangle grin in Tweek's direction and only gets a high pitched scream in response.

"Ok, me and Token's turn now!" Clyde leaps off the couch, snatching the controller from Craig and chucking the one lying by the shaking blonde boy to Token.

Clyde shoves Craig out of the way and he and Token plop down in front of the gaming console. Craig flips them off and takes a seat next to Tweek on the couch. "Hey, spaz." He greets the paranoid boy.

Tweek lets out a little shriek. "Ngh! Craig!"

"Yes. That's my name." Craig says dryly.

"Aren't you worried the –gah- town is burning down?!" He points a shaking finger towards the window.

"No." Craig answers like Tweek is an idiot. Which he sometimes can be. "They'll rebuild. And then act like nothing happened. It's always the same." He stares out the window. "I think you catch some kind of disease when you reach around thirty, it turns everyone into dumbasses." Craig flips off the fire outside, as it that'll make it stop. He doesn't really know why he does that. "It's the only logical reason why everyone hasn't packed up and left this hellhole yet. They're stuck here."

"Agh! I don't wanna be stuck in South Park! This town has underpants gnomes in it! This is a lot of stress for –ergh- one guy, Craig!" Tweek frets.

"Tweek, to you, everything is stressful." Craig points out dully.

"Not _everything_!" He defends.

Craig sighs. "Yesterday you made me come to the bathroom with you to stand guard so no one could see you take a piss. How is taking a piss even stressful, you just use the urinal. Unless you decide to take a shit in it, like that butthole Stan."

"Ngh! But what if people are looking!?" Tweek feigns.

"I doubt people would be interested in your dick, Tweek."

"Apart from you, Craig!" Clyde pipes in, sniggering. Tweek shrieks in a mix of horror and embarrassment.

"Yeah, 'cause you're triple double dog gay!" Token chimes as he punches Clyde's character. "You said it yourself, Craig,"

"That was one time. At least I wasn't in a Christian rock band; that's as gay as it gets." Craig snips back.

"Oh, yeah!" Clyde recalls. "You were in a band with Cartman and Butters!"

Token's cheeks darken. "Well, we can all agree that Butters is gayer than all of us put together, at least,"

"Yeah, Butters is really –rgh- gay!" Tweek agrees, accompanied by a head jerk and a tug of the hair.

"Yeah, he dressed up as a girl and plays Hello Kitty Island Adventure in his free time." Craig thinks for a moment. "…But Cartman dresses up more. Maybe he and Butters are in cahoots."

"You don't think…? Oh God," Clyde blanches.

"Gross, man." Token scrunches up his nose. "All that fat…"

"Butters –gah- will get _crushed_!" Tweek screams, bouncing up and down in his seat. "We have to save him!" He goes to make a dash for the door, but Craig pulls him back down.

"Let's just stop talking about this. I think I'm going to puke." Craig says.

"You're the one who started it!" Clyde points out. "And are you really going to puke? That's weak, who are you, Stan?"

"Don't compare me to that fucker," Craig warns.

Token laughs. "He isn't really that bad a guy- Craig's just butthurt over the whole pandemic thing,"

"No, I –ack- hate Stan too!" Tweek pipes in. "Him and his dumb friends tricked me into fighting! I hate –ngh- fighting!" He gives Craig a sparing glance, who nods in agreement. They both still have scars.

Clyde raises a brow. "Why do you still box, then?"

"Self-defence…" Tweek mutters, eyes darting around the room for any sign of the red hatted underpants stealing gnomes he hates so much.

"Anyway, Stan totally hates you, Token. You _did_ steal his girlfriend, after all." Craig points out.

"_She _asked _me_ out!" Token exclaims. "And he can't still be mad over that now, can he?"

"Are you blind, dude? He glares daggers at you every time you're even within a five foot radius of Wendy," Clyde says. "And I don't get why you guys are always so hung up over Wendy- I like Bebe _way_ more," He rests his cheek on a balled up fist, looking dreamy. "She's _so_ hot," The controllers of the forgotten game of Street Fighter lay by their feet.

"You like her just 'cause she has big tits, Clyde." Craig deadpans. He thinks love is dumb. It always ends in tears, anyway.

Clyde goes red, spluttering. "N-no! She's really nice, too!"

Tweek points a finger at Clyde and Token. "I don't get why you two even like –rgh- girls!" Tweek screams abruptly. Although, everythinghe does seems pretty abrupt.

Clyde gives him an odd look. "…You don't?"

"No!" Tweek squeaks. "They all treat me like I'm some –agh- pet! It's weird! And they're loud and strange and I don't understand them and I hate it! And when they're in their little groups and –gah- they whisper and then look over at me and giggle! _What's so funny!?_" He shrieks. "Also, they smell weird." He adds in a quieter tone.

"I don't like them either. They do smell weird." Craig agrees.

"_You_ two are weird." Clyde snorts.

"Does Stan really hate me?" Token still seems pretty amazed by this discovery.

"Yup. Sorry, Tokes." Clyde shrugs. "He's seems pretty set on keeping a grudge."

"I know someone else who's adamant on keeping a grudge," Token coughs theatrically and tilts his head towards Craig.

"I'm not dumb, guys. I know you mean me," Craig sighs. "And it's fair enough that I'm still pissed off at him and his merry band of buttlickers. They swindled me out of the $100 I got for my birthday and it was their fault I ended up in Peru and got dragged into some bogus Incan prophecy. I don't want to be some Incan Guinea Pig warrior God who shoots sparks out of his eyes."

"What does adamant even mean!?" Tweek asks worriedly. "Who the hell is Adam and what –argh- does he want from me!?"

"Craig, that was ages ago- let it go." Token says, ignoring Tweek.

Clyde waves his hands in the air. "Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore!" He sings, rather badly.

"_Who the fuck is –rgh- Adam!?"_

"I don't wanna fucking let it go, and also, Anna can fuck off; I don't wanna build any fuckin' snowman," Craig fumes.

"Do you wanna build a hoeman!?" Clyde clutches the air dramatically, breaking out in song.

"Who's Anna!? Is she with Adam!?" Tweek throws his hands in the air, completely and utterly confused. "_What the fuck is –ergh- going on!?_"

Craig sighs once again. "Clyde, be quiet or I swear to God. Tweek, go home tonight and look up Frozen on Netflix. And no, I don't know who Adam is."

They fall into silence.

"…You'd make a pretty great dad." Token remarks.

"I do try." Craig nods modestly.

"Can we go to Whistlin' Willy's?" Clyde suddenly whines.

"Dude, you literally just ate a chocolate bar ten minutes ago," Token reminds.

"Or Harbucks?" Tweek chirps.

Craig pulls out his Red Racer wallet. "…Does anyone have any change."

In the end, Token wound up paying for all of them.

Clyde happily chomps into his pizza, his non-existent fingers getting covered in grease. "Thanks Token!" He mumbles through mouthfuls of food.

"No problem," He chugs his soda.

Tweek sips on his coffee, little legs swinging back and forth freely. "Gah! Yeah, thanks, man!"

"Tweek, pass the pepperoni," Craig holds out a hand. Tweek grabs a slice from the takeaway box and hands it to Craig, the melted cheese dripping down the edge.

The quartet sit on a bench, eating pizza and watching the fire rage on as various buildings smash to the ground.

Who needs insane adventures when you have pizza?


End file.
